FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she pinky promised me she was 18
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
