I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
