omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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