It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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