Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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