i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
