Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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