she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
