Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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