Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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