Just fell off a train. Bad.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
