I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
