She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
