i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
