My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
