I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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