I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
