He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
