First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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