he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
