There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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