I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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