the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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