Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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