First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
