And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize