I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
well you can't waste a boner
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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