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Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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