why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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