i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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