I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
