Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
