Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Randomize
