i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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