Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize