...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
