Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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