I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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