i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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