He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
