i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
