hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
