i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I need moral support for this bender
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
