if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize