i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
