The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
