I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
