He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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