I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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