Have you finally orgasmed yet?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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