I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize