i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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