My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
