Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
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