just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
organizing the empties. That sober.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
