do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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