its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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