it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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