He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
