I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
