I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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