worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
