And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize