if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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