OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize