He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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