hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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