I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
