I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
