Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
