And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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