They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
