She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
