Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
