I think i sorta joined a cult last night
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We are two peas in an std pod
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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