You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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