I have demons in me.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
