it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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