I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
