my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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