I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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