i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
