I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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