how can u be prego again
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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