Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
