We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
