How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
