If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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