why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You've changed since you got that strap on
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
