Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
