AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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