Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
