Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
