just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My penis needs a shock collar
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
