for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Couch. On fire.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
