im so drunk with asians
where?
always
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
