my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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